


5 Inappropriate Erections and 1 At Least Mostly Appropriate One

by 191615311



Category: The Hobbit (2012)
Genre: Accidental Stimulation, Embarrassment, Friendship, Inappropriate Erections, M/M, Multi, Sexual Fantasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-17
Updated: 2013-03-18
Packaged: 2017-11-29 15:31:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/688547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/191615311/pseuds/191615311
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Five (or more) times one of the Company had an Inappropriate Erection (TM) and one time it was COMPLETELY APPROPRIATE (please make good use of it now please and thank you)."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fili/Thorin

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt at hobbit_kink. This got more serious than I intended, oops.
> 
> http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/4373.html?thread=10096661#t10096661

Thorin doesn't realize his nephews are arguing until he hears his name thrown out in an angry tone. At first he thinks one of them is speaking to him, but he soon realizes they are speaking to each other. He edges closer just in time to hear Fili protest. "Kili, I am not going to-"  
  
Kili cuts him off. "Well if you insist on being like that about it you can forget sharing my bed tonight!"  
  
"Where am I supposed to sleep, then?" Fili snaps.  
  
"I don't know, share with Thorin! Just go away." Kili curls into his bedroll and Fili glances over at Thorin, realizes he's been listening. He has the decency to look ashamed and he turns away from Thorin, pacing around the camp until he finds a spot of ground to settle on that doesn't look too uncomfortable. Thorin sighs, picks up his bedroll, and makes his way over to his nephew.  
  
Fili looks up from where he's settled on the ground, pillowed his head on his arm and pulled his coat tighter around himself. "If your intention is to intervene, you've arrived a bit late."  
  
"I have come to offer you a bed." Thorin says, laying his bedroll out next to Fili. "I would not wish you to freeze as the result of a petty argument with your brother."  
  
Fili looks reluctant at first, unsure if Thorin is really offering what he is offering. After all, he had stopped allowing Fili to sleep in his bed when Fili was still very young. Eventually, when Thorin does not withdraw his offer, Fili slides into the bedroll, leaving room for Thorin on the other side. Thorin glances over at Kili, who has his back turned to them, before joining Fili. His arm wraps around Fili's waist, for lack of a better place to put it, and Fili's back presses against his chest. It has been a long time since he has shared a bed with anyone for any purpose and he finds it more comforting than he had anticipated, the warmth of the body pressed against his and the rhythm of Fili's breathing easily lulling him into sleep.  
  
-  
  
When he wakes his first instinct is to reach for his sword, unsure, at first, of what woke him. It takes him a moment to realize it was Bofur, tripping over his foot on the way to take watch. He brushes off Bofur's apology with a nod and watches him hurry off. That's when he realizes he's woken Fili, most likely when he reached out for his sword. Fili shifts and mumbles his brother's name, and that brings into light another problem: Thorin is hard.  
  
He should have expected it, he supposes. It has been an awfully long time since he has shared a bed with, or even been close to, anyone. He also, as much as he hates to admit it, finds Fili fairly attractive. It wasn't unheard of, his own great-uncle had taken his father as a lover. Still, he rather thought his nephews had eyes only for each other. "Thorin?"  
  
Fili attempts to roll over and that causes Thorin to draw in a breath through his teeth as the movement rubs Fili's hip up against his erection again. Luckily, Fili doesn't seem to notice, or if he does he doesn't care. Thorin edges away from him as far as the bedroll will allow. "Go back to sleep."  
  
"Hm, alright." Fili accepts the command easily enough, closing his eyes again. Thorin silently thanks Mahal that Fili didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. After a moment he untangles himself from Fili and from the bedroll, picking his way through sleeping dwarves until he reaches Bofur.  
  
Bofur looks up at him in surprise. "Can I help you with somethin'?"  
  
"I will take the rest of this watch, go back to sleep."  
  
"Havin' a…  _hard_  time sleepin', are ye?" Bofur says, though the word "hard" comes out sounding suspiciously like he's trying not to laugh. Thorin flushes slightly and gives the other dwarf a threatening glare. Bofur stands up and spreads his hands in surrender, ducking around Thorin on his way back to his abandoned spot between Bifur and Bilbo. Thorin sits down in the spot Bofur had been in, very aware of the phantom warmth of Fili that has seeped into his clothes, the scent of his nephew lingering around him, and his annoyingly persistent erection.


	2. Dwalin/Elf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this part took me so long. School things popped up and then I meant to finish it and post it at least a couple days ago but then it snowed a foot and I was a bit preoccupied dealing with that (seriously I never want to see a snow shovel again in my life).

The elf is watching him. Dwalin doesn’t notice at first, after all, why would an elf be watching him? But by the third time he catches the thing staring it becomes clear that it is. Now he knows what’s happening he can see the clear interest in the elf’s gaze. It isn’t something new to him, the elf that’s looking at him now isn’t the first elf to want him. They are, and it surprised him the first couple times, generally more forward about it, blatantly propositioning instead of just watching from afar. He has long since learned that elves are curious, and some are very curious about dwarves. One once told him, between rounds of being fucked into the mattress, that it was because dwarves are so different from elves in every way. He doesn’t really care why, usually as long as something wants him to fuck it, he’ll fuck it. But not this one.

He won’t fuck this one, can’t fuck this one, because Thorin hates elves, hates them more than the general, comfortable contempt dwarves and elves usually hold for one another. He can’t blame Thorin for that, he was there, he understands. He also can’t fuck this elf, because Thorin is here, Thorin is his king and his friend and he can’t and won’t do that to Thorin. But he can think about it. He can think about what it would be like to push the elf down on a bed, or maybe just the ground, and have his way with it.

In his fantasy he makes the elf undress for him first. He doesn’t really want to watch, he just likes ordering them around, always has. The elf complies easily enough and he decides to let it watch as he strips off his own clothes. He doesn’t make a show of it, just dumps them on the ground before getting down to business. He shoves the elf down on the bed roughly and turns it over, gets a kick out of the annoyed look it shoots him even though it complies. He pulls its legs apart and moves to kneel between them. He’s already grabbed the bottle of oil he keeps with him just in case and he pours some on his fingers, pushing one in without preamble and loving the glare the elf shoots him over its shoulder even as it pushes back on his finger.

He’s quick and rough preparing it, stretches it just as much as necessary before he spreads some of the oil on his cock and leans over the elf. He doesn’t do anything else just yet, but he does reach around to grasp the elf’s erection and start stroking it, quick and light, not enough to actually get anyone off. “Beg.”

He always makes them beg, the begging is one of his favorite parts. He doesn’t hate elves as much as Thorin, but he still hates them, with their stupid holier than thou attitudes. They need taken down a peg or several and Dwalin is more than happy to do it and make them love every moment of it.

The elf is silent, neck bent at a painful-looking angle to stare at him, still glaring even though it’s clearly enjoying this. It was the one who wanted him, after all. It was the one who came onto him. He twists his fingers up in its hair and yanks, just hard enough to hurt. “I said, beg.”

The elf opens its mouth, hopefully to beg like he wants it to, and… “I sincerely hope that is not for what I think it is.” Thorin’s voice cuts through his fantasies.

Dwalin turns to meet Thorin’s glare, cursing the fates for this whole situation. He is about to answer but Thorin cuts him off with a shake of his head. “Do not let it happen again.” And then he is walking off toward his nephews, leaving Dwalin sitting there with a dick hard enough to drill through the table, or an elf, and nothing to do about it.


	3. Bombur/Ori

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one kind of ran away from me...

Ori feels a certain kinship with Bombur. At first the other dwarf had intimidated him, all the dwarves had, many of them still do, but Bombur is one of the few dwarves the company his brothers fully approve of. Ori doesn't know much about Bombur at the beginning, but Bombur doesn't seem to mind when Ori sits next to him at meals, or sleeps next to him when he gets tired of his brothers. Bombur doesn't talk to Ori, and Ori doesn't talk to Bombur, but Ori at least likes to think Bombur likes him, instead of the putting up with him most of the others do.

It takes weeks for him to figure out why Bombur doesn't talk to him. He doesn't find out until Bofur catches him one morning while they're packing up and pulls him aside. He's a bit worried Bofur will tell him off for something or tell him to stop spending time with Bombur, but Bofur isn't the protective older brother Dori and Nori are, and he actually quite likes Bofur, who has always been nice to him. He has nothing to worry about, though, because all Bofur does is tell him not let the Bombur's silence deter him, that Bombur is just shy, and Ori probably understands. Then Bofur claps him on the shoulder, gives him a grin, and walks off to join Bilbo.

The revelation that the reason Bombur doesn't talk to him is because he's shy makes Ori feel much better about what he thinks might be the beginnings of a friendship. Being shy himself, he understands, and eventually he manages to strike up a conversation with Bombur. Bombur seem startled at first when Ori starts talking to him, after all, they've never spoken before, and it takes him a while to respond. Eventually, though, Ori learns Bombur has a wife, an impressive number of children, and a restaurant back home. He learns that Bombur has always been appreciative of knitting, even though he can't knit himself. In exchange he tells Bombur about how he loves to draw, write, and knit. About how he's never had a friend in his life, and how Dori and Nori are overbearingly protective, and how he's only ended up on this quest because he managed to convince Thorin, amidst lots of stuttering and squeaking and some blushing, that they could use someone to chronicle their travels.

From then on, Ori is sure they're friends. They sleep near each other, eat together, walk together, talk when they feel like it. Ori even lets Bombur see some of his writing and drawings, privileges he hasn't awarded to anyone before, not even his brothers. Especially not his brothers, really. Bombur is polite and a very good cook, even with the limited supplies they have on the trip. Dori and Nori are letting up on their overprotectiveness a bit and everything seems good or, well, as good as it's going to get on this journey.

This is about when alarm bells start going off in Ori's head, because he's sure this can't last. He's sure he'll do something to mess things up with the only friend he's ever had. He's scared Bombur will find a better friend than him, or Ori will do something strange and weird that will make Bombur want to stop being his friend or at least make things very awkward between them, and Ori will have to go back to his brothers and their overprotectiveness and Bofur will probably stop being quite as nice to him if he's not friends with Bombur. Ori is sure it will happen and it does.

A few weeks into their friendship they're sitting in silence together on a rock next to the fire that's serving as a seat. It's a companionable silence, not an awkward one, and it's pleasant to just sit with someone in a way he never could before. They've been sitting there for quite a while when sudden inspiration strikes Ori and he jumps up to get his notebook. It isn't the first time it's happened, it's actually a pretty routine thing for Ori, so Bombur doesn't really pay attention. It's on the way back that Ori, not looking where he's going, trips.

As he's falling Ori flails, knee catching Bombur's leg as he tries both not to fall into the fire and not to fall into Bombur's lap. He succeeds in the first thing, not in the second. Bombur, of course, startles as Ori falls, having not been paying attention before then. By some cruel trick of fate Ori ends up sprawled across Bombur's lap, notebook on the ground, with one of Bombur's thighs pressed between his legs. Bombur attempts to help him up and Ori tries to sit up and the result is Bombur's leg sliding between his, sending a jolt of pleasure through Ori. This is when he realizes he's hard and he can feel shame coloring his face.

When he looks up, Bombur is also blushing, seemingly unsure of what to do. Ori slides quickly off his lap, trying to avoid tumbling into the fire, and grabs his notebook. He stutters a quick apology to Bombur and yanks his cardigan down, shuffling as quickly as he can off to his bedroll, luckily placed near the edge of the camp so he can lay facing away from everyone. He curls up in it, clutching his notebook to his chest, and tries to forget his shame which, unfortunately, hasn't lessened his arousal at all.

It takes him a long time to find sleep, he's too busy worrying over what's happened, what it means for his friendship with Bombur or, by now, lack of one. He can hear the rest of the company talking in the background, can make out Bofur and Bombur's voices, though not what they're saying. He thinks he hears his name once, but he doesn't want to find out. Eventually he manages to tune out the rest of the dwarves, drop off into sleep, though he's not sure how he does it.

When he wakes up the next day it's to immediate knowledge of what happened the previous night and he never wants to get up again. He turns and sees Bombur is asleep near him and it just makes him blush again, he would think the other dwarf would have moved his bedroll after what happened the previous night. Ori tries to stand up without disturbing Bombur, he really does, but in his hurry his foot catches in his blanket and he finds himself landing on Bombur for the second time.

A tangle of dwarves, blankets, shouts, and at least one grunt of pain fill the next few moments until they finally get themselves sorted out and Ori sits up, brushing himself off. The first thing that comes to his mind is, oddly enough, not an apology but instead, "This is becoming a pattern." And it startles him so much he says it out loud.

To Ori's surprise, Bombur just laughs and tells him not to worry about it, that it's fine and it happens to everyone, and Ori can feel the tension he hadn't realized he was carrying go out of him. By the end of the day everything is back to normal and they're still friends.Ori thinks maybe, eventually, they might even have a laugh about it. If it isn't the only time he finds himself unfortunately attracted to Bombur, well, no one has to know.


	4. Kili/Thorin

Kili and Fili have been causing trouble all day. Kili thinks it's hardly their fault this trip is, so far, rather boring. Attempting to steal Bofur's hat at breakfast seemed a logical way to alleviate boredom, at least for a while. And besides, despite what Thorin said in his reprimands, Kili is sure Bofur doesn't mind. He and Fili have been trying to steal the hat since they were small children and they have never succeeded, there's no reason to start now.

Even though they've been told off by Thorin several times already they can't seem to stop. Kili is currently attempting to ride close enough to Fili to lean against his shoulder. Unfortunately this action results in him tumbling from his pony for the third time that day. The entire company stops and the moment he becomes aware of fourteen pairs of eyes on him he leaps up with a declaration of, "Not injured!"

He turns to re-mount his pony but Thorin calls his name. He turns, but not before schooling his face into what he hopes is an innocent expression. "Yes uncle Thorin?"

"Come here. You will ride with me until I have decided I can trust you to behave."

"But-" Kili begins to protest and Thorin cuts him off.

"That is what you said the last time and the time before that. No more buts. Until you and your brother can behave you will ride with me."

Kili huffs and traipses over, pulling himself up behind Thorin and wrapping his arms around his uncle's waist. He watches his brother tie their ponies together before the party sets off again. He manages an entire several moments where nothing goes wrong before he becomes aware of a problem. The motion of the pony combined with the warm body pressed against his own has caused his cock to harden in his pants.

He squirms a bit, trying to shuffle backward and away from Thorin, biting his lip to keep from making a sound when it has the opposite effect. He sighs and shifts again, trying to get comfortable, only for Thorin to practically growl, "Stop moving."

The sound of Thorin's voice, something that has always affected Kili more than it probably should, doesn't help matters and it certainly doesn't help Kili stay still. Thorin tolerates another few moments of Kili's squirming before he finally snaps. "Is it really that much of a chore to _stay still?_ "

"Fine." Kili responds shortly, irritated with the whole situation, but he does stop shifting around. He tries to stay still after that, he really does, but every step the pony takes rubs his erection up against Thorin and he soon finds himself tilting his hips into it slightly. To Kili's relief, Thorin doesn't seem to have noticed anything yet, their natural movement against each other with the movement of the pony disguising Kili's attempts to find relief.

The movements, small that they are, aren't nearly enough to drive him over the edge, succeeding only in frustrating him to no end. Luck is on his side, though, as Thorin calls a halt to their riding for the midday meal. Kili is the first one of the company off his pony, bolting off into the woods with a mumbled excuse about having to relieve himself, just far enough out that he's out of sight of the company. He fumbles his trousers open and brings himself off in a few quick tugs and sags back against a tree in relief.

After a few moments he manages to pull himself together and makes his way back to the rest of the company, heading straight for Fili and giving Thorin a wide berth. If Thorin notices Kili can't quite meet his gaze for the next several days he chooses not to comment on it and for that Kili can only be grateful, and if Kili swears never to fall off his pony again, well, no one has to know.


	5. Bilbo/Bofur

If there is one thing Bofur hadn’t anticipated on this journey, it would be the amount of affection he feels for their burglar. He isn’t sure what he had been expecting out of someone Gandalf deemed an adequate burglar but even with what he knew about wizards—and Gandalf in particular—he certainly hadn’t been expecting someone quite so… adorable. There isn’t really another word for it, Bilbo is adorable. He’s adorable no matter what he does, though Bofur rather thinks Bilbo wouldn’t take too kindly to the label. Bilbo is adorable when he’s worried, when he’s scared (though if Bofur had his way Bilbo would never be scared again), when he’s angry, but most of all when he’s flustered. And Bofur has to thank Kili for starting that song one of these days, because otherwise he probably wouldn’t know this.

What Bilbo is right now, however, is missing. Conspicuously absent, in fact. Bofur doesn’t think Bilbo is in any danger here in Rivendell, despite what Thorin may insist about elves, but it still seems like a good idea to make sure he’s okay. Just to be on the safe side. So Bofur goes looking for him.

It takes him a while and the assistance of an elf to find Bilbo and when he does it isn’t where he’s expecting. Indeed, Bilbo is sat in a bath, clothes hung up to the side to dry. He seems to be pleased enough, sitting up to his neck in the warm water with his head tipped back and his eyes closed. Bofur takes a moment to appreciate the visual before he interrupts, calling out the Hobbit’s name in greeting and watching as Bilbo’s head whips around, eyes wide with shock.

“Oh, hello Bofur.” Bilbo greets when he ascertains who it is, relaxing slightly, though he seems to have traded his shock for a blush. Bofur finds it adorable. As always.

“What’re ya doin’?” Bofur asks, even though it’s painfully obvious.

Bilbo seems to agree as he responds, “Having a bath, what does it look like?”

“Fancied washin’ off some of that troll snot, I suppose?”

“And everything else. It’s a relief to finally be clean.” Bilbo demonstrates his happiness by sliding lower in the water with a satisfied sigh.

“Sounds like a good idea! Mind if I join?” Bofur asks cheerfully, reaching for his hat.

The question is worth it just to see Bilbo’s reaction. He squeaks and flushes a deep red, staring at Bofur in alarm. Bofur doesn’t expect anything so he’s surprised when Bilbo, finally recovering himself, nods and gestures to the bath. “Alright. If- If you want to.”

Bofur grins at him and begins stripping off his clothes, enjoying the way Bilbo pointedly looks away, not looking back until Bofur has already slid into the water. It comes up lower on him than it does on Bilbo, due to their heights, so part of his chest is revealed and Bilbo is pointedly not looking at it. They spend the next few moments in awkward silence, which eventually lapses into comfortable silence, until Bilbo finally announces his clothes are probably dry enough and he should get out so Bofur can wash himself.

“I am lacking anything to wash myself _with_.” Bofur points out to him and Bilbo hauls himself out of the bath.

“Oh, I’ll get you the one I was using!” And as he watches Bilbo walk to get it, eyes lingering on the curve of his arse, he loses the struggle against an erection he’s been fighting since he walked into the room. He slides lower into the water, hoping Bilbo can’t make anything out under the surface, and lower still when the Hobbit makes his way back over, until only his eyes and the top of his head are still out of the water. Bilbo just gives him a smile and sets the soap down next to him before moving on to his clothes.

Bofur stays in the bath for a long time after Bilbo leaves, occasionally throwing a choice swear word at his erection–most of them in Khuzdul and picked up from Bifur–until it finally wilts. He stays until the water turns cold and until he’s a bit worried someone is going to come looking for him. It isn’t until he’s done re-braiding his hair that he realizes Bilbo has taken his hat. _We may just make a burglar of him after all_ , he muses as he makes his way back to the rest of the company.


	6. Fili/Kili

Kili wakes before dawn and estimates it will be at least an hour before any of the others rise. He hasn’t been assigned a watch that night so he’s unsure, at first, what it is that woke him. He wasn’t startled out of sleep so it can’t be anything urgent and there’s no one up except Balin, on watch at the edge of the camp. The cause of his untimely awakening proves a mystery for only a few more moments before Fili mumbles something unintelligible and pushes his hips forward, bringing his erection in contact with Kili’s own and eliciting a quiet sound of surprise from his brother.

Kili could ignore it, roll over and go back to sleep, but neither of them have had much time together on this journey. Neither of them have even really had time to themselves. With this in mind, Kili doesn’t roll over. What he does do is put a hand on Fili’s shoulder and shake him gently, whispering his name just loud enough to get his attention. Fili, as always, is attuned to his brother even in sleep and wakes easily enough when Kili shakes him. “Kili, wha-“

Kili cuts him off with a kiss, desperate and a bit messy, and Fili returns it after a moment of surprise, allowing Kili to rock their hips together. When they break apart it’s with a gasped, “Please!” from Kili.

Fili looks worriedly around at the rest of the company, at Balin sitting on watch, but Kili catches his attention again by tugging on one of his mustache braids. “Nobody will be up for a while yet, we have time. As long as we’re quiet. It’s been far too long since I had this.”

Fili thinks this over for only a moment before he caves, giving his brother an indulgent smile. “Alright.”

Kili cheers internally and pulls Fili closer to him. When their lips meet this time it’s gentler, not as messy, but with a hint of urgency about it. They may have time, but not much time. Kili skips any foreplay they might usually engage in as he slides down under the blankets to open Fili’s trousers.

“Be quiet.” He hisses against Fili’s skin before taking him in his mouth, trying to fit in as much as possible. He wraps his hand around the rest and his other hand around Fili’s hip in hopes of holding him still. The blanket rustles and he can tell Fili’s shoved his hand in his mouth to help hide any noises he might make, although Fili is never particularly loud during sex.

Kili knows all the ways to set his brother off, all the little things he can do wit his tongue, and it doesn’t take long before Fili is spilling down his throat with a muffled grunt. Kili keeps sucking and licking until Fili pulls him up, pulls him up. Kili goes willingly, catching Fili in another kiss before they trade places. He knows Fili can taste himself in his mouth, something he’s never been as fond of as Kili has, but it certainly doesn’t stop him from trying to explore every bit of it until finally Kili has to pull away.

He pushes Fili down with a hand on his shoulder and what he hopes is an annoyed glare but suspects is actually just a pleading look. Fili chuckles but lets Kili push him down until his face is level with Kili’s crotch. He unlaces his brother’s trousers and pushes them down but, unlike Kili, doesn’t dive in immediately. Instead he pushes up his brother’s shirt to press kisses, interspersed with gentle nips, to the skin of his stomach until Kili tugs on his hair, urging him lower.

Fili licks at the head of Kili’s cock before kissing that too and when Kili tries to push his hips forward they’re restrained by Fili’s hands. When Fili does, finally, take pity on him and actually slide his mouth over Kili’s erection he does it slowly and it makes Kili want to squirm and whine and beg but he just bites his lip and tries to stay still and quiet. He’s already close and it wouldn’t take long for Fili to finish him off, if he wanted to, but Fili persists in teasing, sucking gently and deviously using tongue whenever he gets the chance.

Kili tries to stop it, he really does, but FIli’s name falls from his lips anyway. It’s quiet and all he hopes is that no one is awake and Balin is too fare away to heart it because the first noise seems to have opened a floodgate and now he’s started he can’t stop. He says Fili’s name over and over again, only increasing in volume when Fili eventually gives him what he needs, bringing Kili over the edge with a yelp of, “Fee!”

“You probably woke the entire company.” Is the first thing Fili says when he emerges from under the blankets after doing up both their trousers. “And you felt you had to tell _me_ to be quiet?”

Kili can’t find it in him to be sorry so he just grins at Fili, throwing a glance at the rest of the camp. “I wasn’t that loud, they’re all still asleep.”

“You were loud enough.” But there’s no real irritation in Fili’s voice. In fact, Kili is sure he can detect a hint of smugness.

“You did that on purpose! You utter-“ Fili quiets him with a kiss and Kili doesn’t really think he cares what Fili did on purpose as long as his brother will never stop kissing him like that.

In the silence that follows they fail to notice every other dwarf—and Hobbit—in the company is only feigning sleep as they desperately try to will away their very inconvenient erections.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is finally complete. Thanks for sticking with me. It. Whatever. If you did.


End file.
